Depending on where you live, your kids may have already headed back to school. But if not, back to school is just around the corner. The end of summer is full of last grabs at fun and vacation but also a lot of preparation. There are back-to-school supply lists, clothes shopping, and new schedules to consider. Additionally, some kids face back-to-school anxiety.
Even if your kids love school, transitioning back into a school routine is often challenging. Whether your kid is a preschooler heading off to big kid school for the first time, a fourth grader who is a pro at the back-to-school routine, or a toddler entering child care for the first time, these back-to-school tips work for kids of all ages!
Routine
If you read any back-to-school tips or articles, routine is probably at the top of most. Routine is essential for kids of all ages; it helps adults, too! A routine provides the expectations and structure that kids need. When children know what to expect and what is expected of them, there is less anxiety. Routine decreases stress and last-minute hustling to get ready.
There is no golden rule for your routine, but it should work for you and your family. Likewise, the routine doesn’t have to be so disciplined that there is no room for changes because some days, the unexpected happens. Establishing a back-to-school routine for mornings, afternoons, and evenings makes everyone’s day smoother.
An afterschool schedule can include snacks, electronic time, playtime, homework time, sports practice or other afterschool activities, dinner, and bedtime routines. The schedule may vary depending on your activities, but do your best to maintain consistency.
When changes to the routine must occur, for example, Mom has to work late, so Dad is picking up today, or Grandma is out of town, so Aunt Jenny is coming by after school, let your kids know as far in advance as possible about the change. Avoid surprises to the routine at all costs. If a change happens during the day while your child is at school or childcare, contact the staff and have them alert your child to the change.
Communicating changes to your children so they know what to expect decreases anxiety. Unexpected changes in the routine, especially for younger kids, can cause stress and tantrums.
Picture Schedules
If your child has ADHD, autism, or struggles with time management, create a visual schedule; this style of schedule is beneficial for toddlers and preschoolers who don’t read and neurodivergent children and teens. There are many visual schedules; some use real photos other use clip art. Some visual schedules have clocks next to each activity; others are simply a timeline of the order of events. The best visual schedules are laminated, and velcro or magnets are used to change things when the schedule needs to change.
Older kids, especially those with ADHD or who struggle with time-management skills, can also benefit from visual and written schedules. Color coding, using different symbols, and written reminders will help older kids stay on task and reduce nagging from mom and dad!
No Electronics Before Bed
Our brains need time to slow down and settle before bed. We’ve all read about the effects of blue light and screen time on brain activity and the ability to sleep; for children, turning off electronics before bed is especially important. Set aside time for tablet time, computers, and Kneebouncer games after school and shut off electronics at least 30 minutes to an hour before bedtime.
One way to help affect this transition is to plan games or playtime before starting the bedtime routine. My youngest and I often play a board game or do a seek-and-find book like Where’s Waldo. Some nights, he goes into his room to play with his LEGOs or other toys. If you’ve never instituted a no-electronic policy before, expect pushback initially. However, once it becomes routine and your child knows you won’t give in, they’ll eventually stop fighting it.
If you have older kids who are having trouble with this idea, you can remove all electronics from the bedroom and create a central docking area for phones and tablets at night. Depending on your phone and service provider, you can even set time limits on your child’s device or turn off what apps they can access after a specific time of day.
Prep the Night Before
Get in the habit of prepping the night before. Your child can pack their school things and pick out their clothes before bed. They can also pack their lunch or snacks and set their backpack by the door to grab as they walk out. If your son is like my youngest, he never knows where his shoes are, so have a designated place for shoes, backpacks, lunch boxes, etc.
Teach children young to be responsible for their belongings. Preschoolers can help pack their snacks, a fourth grader can pack their lunch, and a middle schooler can do their laundry if they need that “special” shirt for school tomorrow.
My kids have had school-issued Chromebooks since the COVID-19 pandemic. They are responsible for ensuring it is charged every night for school the next day. It is the same with my 7th grader’s phone. If he wants it charged, he has to do it himself.
Parents should also get in the habit of prepping their things the night before. While teaching, I chose my clothes and packed my lunch the night before; it always helped! The more prepared everyone is, the less stress the morning will bring!
Set Expectations and Promote Independence
Parents should set expectations for their child’s behavior and responsibilities regarding school and create opportunities for independence. Setting expectations goes hand in hand with establishing a routine and teaching your child to prepare their belongings.
Your expectations should be based on your individual child’s developmental level and age. You will have to decide what your child’s expectations are. But remember that what you expect from one child may differ from your other child. For example, I can’t expect my ten-year-old with ADHD to complete his homework without reminders, a timer, and structured homework time. My teen usually only needs one reminder to complete something.
Some parents expect straight As. In my house, grades are less critical than expecting my child to do their best. If my child earns a C, but I know that they tried their best, then I am OK with that C. If they earned a C because they didn’t hand in their assignments or study, that’s a different story. And even though I don’t put a lot of pressure on grades, my youngest made the honor roll all last year, and my eldest made it two out of four quarters.
Kids generally want to please their parents, so make the expectation that they do their best, are respectful, and hand in their work, and they’ll likely aim to please.
Expectations also include getting up and going to school on time, being kind to others, and being responsible for prepping for their individual sports practices and games.
Expect Respect
Please send your child to school with the expectation that they will respect their teachers, peers, other school employees, and school supplies and property.
Expecting respect doesn’t mean your child should not advocate for themselves or must “like” everyone or be everyone’s friend. Self-advocacy is important. For example, if they feel they received an unfair grade, are not receiving services outlined by their 504 or IEP, or received an unwarranted punishment, there is a respectful way to disagree, and it’s your job as a parent to teach them what that looks like.
While your child may never need to know the details of the War of 1812 or use physics in adulthood, learning to follow the rules, complete assignments on time, and respect others are essential life skills and probably the more significant takeaways they are getting from school.
Expect respect by demonstrating it. If your child comes home complaining about a teacher, administrator, or classmate, do not automatically assume everything your child says is 100% factual. There are two sides to every story.
Support your child, validate their feelings, and then reach out to the school or teacher to discuss the issue respectfully. If your children see you disrespecting teachers or having a “so what?” attitude about school and assignments, they will develop the same attitude.
Be Involved
When parents are involved with their children’s schooling, kids do better. Children whose parents are interested in their education often perform better academically, have more confidence, and have better social-emotional development.
Taking an interest doesn’t mean you have to sign up for every class party and field trip. It doesn’t mean you have to hound your kid to complete assignments or hover over them constantly. It simply means showing that you care about their actions, learning from them, and guiding them as needed.
If your child has an online portal for assignments, log in together and look things over. Read teacher emails and respond. Attend parent-teacher conferences; if scheduling is an issue, many teachers are willing to conduct conferences virtually or over the phone. Offer to help your child with assignments if they seem to be struggling, but don’t do it for them, and don’t push the issue. Sometimes, kids need to struggle and even fail to learn.
Take Away
Attending school is required, and education is a right we grant our children. However, school refusal is a real issue for some families. If your child struggles with school refusal, take action early and do your best to overcome their resistance and anxiety.
You know your child best. So you know what steps are needed in their routine and how to foster their excitement or at least acceptance of school. Whether we like it or not, school is essential to our child’s developmental process. It is how they learn critical social skills like being part of a community and respecting those around them.
School is how children learn responsibility and how to follow through on expectations. From toddlers to high schoolers, if you’re facing back-to-school for the start of the year or even just after winter or spring break, these back-to-school tips will help you and your child have a successful school experience year-round!
Updated August 22, 2024, by L. Elizabeth Forry
